Best Life Therapy Blogs - Grief, Anxiety, Stress & More
- posted: Feb. 07, 2025
Have you heard the buzz about the best-selling book "Let Them Theory" by Mel Robbins? Shortly after this book was published, I began seeing images of people with tattoos all over social media with the words "Let Them." I was intrigued and wanted to find out more. After hearing from others who've read the book, I learned it's been very impactful for many people, so I decided to check it out. In this blog I'll break down some of the basic concepts for you, but I do recommend taking time to read the book in its entirety.
The book is based on the idea of focusing on what we can control and letting go of the things we can't. We often get caught up in our heads worrying about what other people think. We spend time wondering if they like us and what if they are judging us. It's as if we think spending hours thinking about these things will change the situation. We often get upset because we want other people to change, to do things our way. Mel Robins clearly states a simple fact in her book and that is that people don't change just because we want them to. They change "if they want to and if they can." Sometimes people just don't have the skills needed to change. Sometimes they happen to think differently and make choices we disagree with. The idea in this book is that when we say "let them", we detach and release that control. It's about acceptance of the things we truly have no control over.
When we give people the freedom to think whatever they want to about us, even if it is negative, it allows us to remain calm. The statement "let them" can help us self-soothe. If someone gets upset with you and walks away, think "let them". If they need time and space let them have that. Being able to do that might help you feel as though a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. It's not your job to fix them or to change them.
The next step in this theory is then deciding what we are going to do. If someone sends repeated texts to us that are cruel, pause and think let them. Do not type back and engage with them. Breathe and remain calm. The next piece of the theory is equally important and that is...let you. When you allow others the freedom to do what they do you can then focus on whatever you need to do to take care of your needs. That might mean distancing yourself from that person, establishing healthy boundaries by controlling what you can control. When we apply the let them theory, we make a decision to not let other people's thoughts define you. Just think of the extra time you'd have if you could release all of that control. Instead of worrying about what they think, remember they are entitled to think whatever they want to think.
I'm a firm believer that we teach people how to treat us by what we put up with. We can't control what others say or do to us but we can control our response and our actions. Being able to handle situations that frustrate us while still remaining calm really is like a superpower. Having that kind of self-control feels amazing! Being able to self-regulate feels so much better than allowing others to push our buttons.
There is another motivational speaker I enjoy who talks about something similar. His name is Brooks Gibbs, author of "Love > Hate." He teaches children about resiliency and how to deal with bullying situations. He's visited many schools in Michigan and across the country speaking to students about his message. He teaches them to remain calm when others say something they don't like. Brooks encourages kids to respond by letting the other person know he doesn't agree with what they said. He then explains that he is not going to let other people's opinions about him define who he is. He teaches them when it's time to get help. Brooks has several you tube videos of his presentations on you tube. Here is a link to one of them if you want to check it out: https://youtu.be/7oKjW1OIjuw. If his concepts are too detailed for your children, the words "let them" and the word "whatever" work pretty well. Most kids can remember the word whatever pretty well.
Parent's also can apply this concept when raising their kids. Of course, there are things we can't just let our children do because that might not be safe but parents are better role models when they stay calm and focused on what they can control. It's important that we control the controllables rather than get worked up over things we truly have no control over. That does not mean let your kids or others do whatever they want but think about what you do control and focus on that.
With our adult children, learning to let them can be pretty difficult but it's critical for parents to allow that. Letting them make their own decisions is essential so they can establish the confidence necessary to survive in this world. Staying in control feels so much better than losing our cool and allowing others to pull our strings. So next time, you find yourself getting upset or worrying about things you can't control, think...let them and let you do what is best for you! If you need help managing emotions or help with letting go of your worries, Best Life Therapy is here for you. New clients can schedule initial appointments by clicking on the first page of the website.
Here is a final link for you to enjoy: Mel Robbins Podcast in which she talks about "The Let Them Theory," The Mel Robbins Podcast: The “Let Them Theory” : A Life-Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About | The Mel Robbins Podcast. Enjoy!
- posted: Feb. 07, 2025
Have you heard the buzz about the best-selling book "Let Them Theory" by Mel Robbins? Shortly after this book was published, I began seeing images of people with tattoos all over social media with the words "Let Them." I was intrigued and wanted to find out more. After hearing from others who've read the book, I learned it's been very impactful for many people, so I decided to check it out. In this blog I'll break down some of the basic concepts for you, but I do recommend taking time to read the book in its entirety.
The book is based on the idea of focusing on what we can control and letting go of the things we can't. We often get caught up in our heads worrying about what other people think. We spend time wondering if they like us and what if they are judging us. It's as if we think spending hours thinking about these things will change the situation. We often get upset because we want other people to change, to do things our way. Mel Robins clearly states a simple fact in her book and that is that people don't change just because we want them to. They change "if they want to and if they can." Sometimes people just don't have the skills needed to change. Sometimes they happen to think differently and make choices we disagree with. The idea in this book is that when we say "let them", we detach and release that control. It's about acceptance of the things we truly have no control over.
When we give people the freedom to think whatever they want to about us, even if it is negative, it allows us to remain calm. The statement "let them" can help us self-soothe. If someone gets upset with you and walks away, think "let them". If they need time and space let them have that. Being able to do that might help you feel as though a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. It's not your job to fix them or to change them.
The next step in this theory is then deciding what we are going to do. If someone sends repeated texts to us that are cruel, pause and think let them. Do not type back and engage with them. Breathe and remain calm. The next piece of the theory is equally important and that is...let you. When you allow others the freedom to do what they do you can then focus on whatever you need to do to take care of your needs. That might mean distancing yourself from that person, establishing healthy boundaries by controlling what you can control. When we apply the let them theory, we make a decision to not let other people's thoughts define you. Just think of the extra time you'd have if you could release all of that control. Instead of worrying about what they think, remember they are entitled to think whatever they want to think.
I'm a firm believer that we teach people how to treat us by what we put up with. We can't control what others say or do to us but we can control our response and our actions. Being able to handle situations that frustrate us while still remaining calm really is like a superpower. Having that kind of self-control feels amazing! Being able to self-regulate feels so much better than allowing others to push our buttons.
There is another motivational speaker I enjoy who talks about something similar. His name is Brooks Gibbs, author of "Love > Hate." He teaches children about resiliency and how to deal with bullying situations. He's visited many schools in Michigan and across the country speaking to students about his message. He teaches them to remain calm when others say something they don't like. Brooks encourages kids to respond by letting the other person know he doesn't agree with what they said. He then explains that he is not going to let other people's opinions about him define who he is. He teaches them when it's time to get help. Brooks has several you tube videos of his presentations on you tube. Here is a link to one of them if you want to check it out: https://youtu.be/7oKjW1OIjuw. If his concepts are too detailed for your children, the words "let them" and the word "whatever" work pretty well. Most kids can remember the word whatever pretty well.
Parent's also can apply this concept when raising their kids. Of course, there are things we can't just let our children do because that might not be safe but parents are better role models when they stay calm and focused on what they can control. It's important that we control the controllables rather than get worked up over things we truly have no control over. That does not mean let your kids or others do whatever they want but think about what you do control and focus on that.
With our adult children, learning to let them can be pretty difficult but it's critical for parents to allow that. Letting them make their own decisions is essential so they can establish the confidence necessary to survive in this world. Staying in control feels so much better than losing our cool and allowing others to pull our strings. So next time, you find yourself getting upset or worrying about things you can't control, think...let them and let you do what is best for you! If you need help managing emotions or help with letting go of your worries, Best Life Therapy is here for you. New clients can schedule initial appointments by clicking on the first page of the website.
Here is a final link for you to enjoy: Mel Robbins Podcast in which she talks about "The Let Them Theory," The Mel Robbins Podcast: The “Let Them Theory” : A Life-Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About | The Mel Robbins Podcast. Enjoy!
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- Photo taken at Flushing County Park, Michigan