Best Life Therapy Blogs - Grief, Anxiety, Stress & More
- posted: Feb. 12, 2025
Today's blog is about a heavy subject, something none of us want to think about, and that is the loss of a partner/spouse. If you have experienced this, know that we care about you and are here to support you. When we marry, our vows typically include the words "until death do, us part." We hang onto the hope that we will live happily after and do not want to even think about the end. A lot of couples talk about one dying before the other so they don't have to experience the loss. More often than not, it does not work that way. Inevitably, someone becomes a widow. Even that word alone brings a sense of sadness.
I am grateful beyond measure to say that my knowledge about this subject does not come from personal experience but instead, it's the research and the stories I've heard over my 28-year career in mental health. Walking beside people during their darkest moments has given me some insight into the pain that comes with losing a spouse. It truly is an honor to support people during their time of grief. This blog focuses on some common experiences that are often felt when someone loses a spouse/partner.
Physical effects tend to be the first thing noticed after the shock wears off. People tend to become numb and feel as though what they are experiencing can't possibly be real. Like they are in a bad dream and just want to wake up from it. In early grief, people report having headaches, experiencing weight loss, difficulty sleeping and waking up through the night. They experience trouble concentrating, no motivation and intense fatigue. Sometimes grief can cause our entire body to feel sore. People sometimes describe feeling like their whole body was in an accident.
When people go through this, they usually feel so much pain and are sometimes surprised by how weak they feel emotionally and physically. They report feeling helpless, like a child who needs taken care of. Those who typically see themselves as strong, no longer feel strong. In fact, sometimes people wonder if they will ever feel like themselves again. With support and a lot of time, they can feel better, but our life is forever changed.
Loneliness is the most common thing reported by people when they lose a partner or a spouse. When this happens, we lose a companion, a best friend and a lover. Often times, it's the person who used to hold us when we had a hard day. The one who reassured us that everything was going to be fine. We see other couples going places, out to dinner, to the movies or a concert and we realize that our entire identity has changed. Against our wishes, we became single and there is nothing than can be done about it.
There is an empty space in the bed, an empty chair at the table, a toothbrush that will never be used again and a silence in the home that is incredibly painful. The friends people used to have slowly begin to decrease contact. It becomes clear that these were friends because they were a couple. People also learn that death is a conversation stopper. When they painfully are forced to retell the story again to those who did not know, it becomes exhausting, an emotional wound that feels like it will never go away. People begin to feel like they are different because they've gone through the unimaginable.
Sometimes closing your eyes and imaging your loved one still with you can bring a sense of comfort. This is easier to do when it has been a recent death. People report that they can sometimes smell, hear or even see their partner. They can close their eyes and imagine feeling the person next to them. Visual imagery is a common relaxation strategy used when we imagine a peaceful place. It can also be used to image our connection with our a loved one who has died. Not everyone reports these feelings and over time, those experiences tend to become more and more infrequent and that causes more sadness.
While dealing with all of these things, people are faced with major financial changes sometimes causing them to have to quickly sell a home because it was a two-income house, one that they can no longer afford. Not only do people lose a spouse, but they also lose the place where they shared memories, where they felt comfortable. They are forced to find a new place to live. Those who stay in the home are left with all of the overwhelm that comes with repairing things when they break or with cooking all the meals and managing all the bills. Whatever our partner did to help is now our responsibility. Sometimes that means raising our children alone. This stress can complicate the grieving process.
If you've experienced the loss of a partner or a spouse, it has changed your world. You deserve support and a safe place to talk about those feelings. Best Life Therapy is accepting new clients, and we'd be honored to work with you. We do have online scheduling available so please visit our website and request your initial appointment at a time that works for you. If you do not see any available openings that will work for you, please give us some time and check back. We are hiring and will be filling our new therapists scheduled soon. Be patient with yourself as you grieve and know that we are here for you if you need support.
- posted: Feb. 12, 2025
Today's blog is about a heavy subject, something none of us want to think about, and that is the loss of a partner/spouse. If you have experienced this, know that we care about you and are here to support you. When we marry, our vows typically include the words "until death do, us part." We hang onto the hope that we will live happily after and do not want to even think about the end. A lot of couples talk about one dying before the other so they don't have to experience the loss. More often than not, it does not work that way. Inevitably, someone becomes a widow. Even that word alone brings a sense of sadness.
I am grateful beyond measure to say that my knowledge about this subject does not come from personal experience but instead, it's the research and the stories I've heard over my 28-year career in mental health. Walking beside people during their darkest moments has given me some insight into the pain that comes with losing a spouse. It truly is an honor to support people during their time of grief. This blog focuses on some common experiences that are often felt when someone loses a spouse/partner.
Physical effects tend to be the first thing noticed after the shock wears off. People tend to become numb and feel as though what they are experiencing can't possibly be real. Like they are in a bad dream and just want to wake up from it. In early grief, people report having headaches, experiencing weight loss, difficulty sleeping and waking up through the night. They experience trouble concentrating, no motivation and intense fatigue. Sometimes grief can cause our entire body to feel sore. People sometimes describe feeling like their whole body was in an accident.
When people go through this, they usually feel so much pain and are sometimes surprised by how weak they feel emotionally and physically. They report feeling helpless, like a child who needs taken care of. Those who typically see themselves as strong, no longer feel strong. In fact, sometimes people wonder if they will ever feel like themselves again. With support and a lot of time, they can feel better, but our life is forever changed.
Loneliness is the most common thing reported by people when they lose a partner or a spouse. When this happens, we lose a companion, a best friend and a lover. Often times, it's the person who used to hold us when we had a hard day. The one who reassured us that everything was going to be fine. We see other couples going places, out to dinner, to the movies or a concert and we realize that our entire identity has changed. Against our wishes, we became single and there is nothing than can be done about it.
There is an empty space in the bed, an empty chair at the table, a toothbrush that will never be used again and a silence in the home that is incredibly painful. The friends people used to have slowly begin to decrease contact. It becomes clear that these were friends because they were a couple. People also learn that death is a conversation stopper. When they painfully are forced to retell the story again to those who did not know, it becomes exhausting, an emotional wound that feels like it will never go away. People begin to feel like they are different because they've gone through the unimaginable.
Sometimes closing your eyes and imaging your loved one still with you can bring a sense of comfort. This is easier to do when it has been a recent death. People report that they can sometimes smell, hear or even see their partner. They can close their eyes and imagine feeling the person next to them. Visual imagery is a common relaxation strategy used when we imagine a peaceful place. It can also be used to image our connection with our a loved one who has died. Not everyone reports these feelings and over time, those experiences tend to become more and more infrequent and that causes more sadness.
While dealing with all of these things, people are faced with major financial changes sometimes causing them to have to quickly sell a home because it was a two-income house, one that they can no longer afford. Not only do people lose a spouse, but they also lose the place where they shared memories, where they felt comfortable. They are forced to find a new place to live. Those who stay in the home are left with all of the overwhelm that comes with repairing things when they break or with cooking all the meals and managing all the bills. Whatever our partner did to help is now our responsibility. Sometimes that means raising our children alone. This stress can complicate the grieving process.
If you've experienced the loss of a partner or a spouse, it has changed your world. You deserve support and a safe place to talk about those feelings. Best Life Therapy is accepting new clients, and we'd be honored to work with you. We do have online scheduling available so please visit our website and request your initial appointment at a time that works for you. If you do not see any available openings that will work for you, please give us some time and check back. We are hiring and will be filling our new therapists scheduled soon. Be patient with yourself as you grieve and know that we are here for you if you need support.
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- Photo taken at Flushing County Park, Michigan