Best Life Therapy Blogs - Grief, Anxiety, Stress & More
- posted: Feb. 13, 2025
So many of us tend to be our worst critic. How many woman change their clothes more than once when we go somewhere because we worry about what others will think? I think if we knew that number, we'd be shocked. We judge ourselves, put ourselves down and question our decisions. People often use unhelpful comparisons causing them to feel like they are not as good as other people.
Over the years, I've noticed a big difference between young children and adolescents, when working with a 5-year-old, it is not uncommon for them to go on and on about all the things they like about themselves. They can talk for hours about how fast they can run; how high they can jump and are excited to share academic achievements and other successes. Something changes when young children begin to get older. This change tends to happen in middle school. Out of all grade levels, research shows that middle school students tend to experience more bullying than any other grade.
As they get older, those same children begin to pay more and more attention to the successes of others. Often times they downplay their own wins. This is when people tend to begin to compare themselves to others. Often times, the joy they felt when talking about academic achievements becomes something they want to hide. They worry others will tease them if they do well in school. Many adolescents are focused on fitting in with peers and this can contribute to a lot of unhelpful comparisons. These issues often worsen over the years. As people enter into their middle age stage in their 40s and 50s, they often look back on their younger years and wonder why they was so unkind to themself. Many people wish they could have their youthful skin back or return to the body they used to have. They recall that they had so much energy and was so healthy. Oh, how we waste so many of those years in judgement, using harsh words toward ourselves, focused on self-criticism and feeling like we are never good enough.
The month of February is international self-esteem month. It's a good time to learn some key strategies to try to improve our self-esteem. Making a list of all your positive qualities is a great way to challenge those negative thoughts. Be prepared to automatically think of some negatives when you begin. Our brains are trained to think negatively and to predict worst case scenarios. The brain is designed to protect us and keep us safe from potential threats. In this case, there are no real threats but many of us have such a long history of unkind thoughts. our negative thinking patterns really do become automatic. Repeated thoughts become stronger over time and are more likely to happen the more we have them.
Learning to be self-aware of what we're thinking, reframing the unhelpful thoughts and avoiding negative comparisons can help. When you set a goal and achieve it, we often surprise ourselves thinking "who is this person?" Positive affirmations are another great way to improve our self-esteem. Writing down one positive thing about yourself and putting it on your mirror so you can see it each day can help. Visual messages are powerful when we want to rewire our brain and train it to think positively.
Sometimes people worry about becoming too confident. They wonder if people will no longer like them. There actually is such a thing as having inflated self-esteem. That is when people think they're better than other people. While it's true some do tend to think that. They come across as being narcissistic when on the inside they often feel inferior. I don't know anyone who likes to spend time with someone who has inflated self-esteem. People often try to compensate by acting like they think highly of themselves, so others don't notice they really are insecure. The anxiety about what others think can cause them to try to fool others and they end up over-compensating. An example of this is when a young girl doesn't feel confident enough to dress appropriately and feels she needs to wear revealing clothing. It is heart-breaking to hear middle school aged students say things like that.
While it is true that self-esteem often improves with age, taking steps to improve your self-confidence now if it is low, regardless of how old you are is important. Learning to practice self-compassion is a skill but it can be mastered. If you need help with self-esteem, consider reaching out to Best Life Therapy. We are happy to help. Best Life Therapy offers online scheduling. Appointment can be scheduled in a matter of minutes just by clicking the request an appointment button on the first page of our website. If you struggle with self-esteem and you remember nothing else from this blog, remind yourself every day that you matter. You are worthy of love and of being loved just because you are human. Being kind to yourself and learning to celebrate your accomplishments can be difficult but it is something that can be learned. You do not have to be perfect! As Valentines Day approaches, don't forget to love yourself!
- posted: Feb. 13, 2025
So many of us tend to be our worst critic. How many woman change their clothes more than once when we go somewhere because we worry about what others will think? I think if we knew that number, we'd be shocked. We judge ourselves, put ourselves down and question our decisions. People often use unhelpful comparisons causing them to feel like they are not as good as other people.
Over the years, I've noticed a big difference between young children and adolescents, when working with a 5-year-old, it is not uncommon for them to go on and on about all the things they like about themselves. They can talk for hours about how fast they can run; how high they can jump and are excited to share academic achievements and other successes. Something changes when young children begin to get older. This change tends to happen in middle school. Out of all grade levels, research shows that middle school students tend to experience more bullying than any other grade.
As they get older, those same children begin to pay more and more attention to the successes of others. Often times they downplay their own wins. This is when people tend to begin to compare themselves to others. Often times, the joy they felt when talking about academic achievements becomes something they want to hide. They worry others will tease them if they do well in school. Many adolescents are focused on fitting in with peers and this can contribute to a lot of unhelpful comparisons. These issues often worsen over the years. As people enter into their middle age stage in their 40s and 50s, they often look back on their younger years and wonder why they was so unkind to themself. Many people wish they could have their youthful skin back or return to the body they used to have. They recall that they had so much energy and was so healthy. Oh, how we waste so many of those years in judgement, using harsh words toward ourselves, focused on self-criticism and feeling like we are never good enough.
The month of February is international self-esteem month. It's a good time to learn some key strategies to try to improve our self-esteem. Making a list of all your positive qualities is a great way to challenge those negative thoughts. Be prepared to automatically think of some negatives when you begin. Our brains are trained to think negatively and to predict worst case scenarios. The brain is designed to protect us and keep us safe from potential threats. In this case, there are no real threats but many of us have such a long history of unkind thoughts. our negative thinking patterns really do become automatic. Repeated thoughts become stronger over time and are more likely to happen the more we have them.
Learning to be self-aware of what we're thinking, reframing the unhelpful thoughts and avoiding negative comparisons can help. When you set a goal and achieve it, we often surprise ourselves thinking "who is this person?" Positive affirmations are another great way to improve our self-esteem. Writing down one positive thing about yourself and putting it on your mirror so you can see it each day can help. Visual messages are powerful when we want to rewire our brain and train it to think positively.
Sometimes people worry about becoming too confident. They wonder if people will no longer like them. There actually is such a thing as having inflated self-esteem. That is when people think they're better than other people. While it's true some do tend to think that. They come across as being narcissistic when on the inside they often feel inferior. I don't know anyone who likes to spend time with someone who has inflated self-esteem. People often try to compensate by acting like they think highly of themselves, so others don't notice they really are insecure. The anxiety about what others think can cause them to try to fool others and they end up over-compensating. An example of this is when a young girl doesn't feel confident enough to dress appropriately and feels she needs to wear revealing clothing. It is heart-breaking to hear middle school aged students say things like that.
While it is true that self-esteem often improves with age, taking steps to improve your self-confidence now if it is low, regardless of how old you are is important. Learning to practice self-compassion is a skill but it can be mastered. If you need help with self-esteem, consider reaching out to Best Life Therapy. We are happy to help. Best Life Therapy offers online scheduling. Appointment can be scheduled in a matter of minutes just by clicking the request an appointment button on the first page of our website. If you struggle with self-esteem and you remember nothing else from this blog, remind yourself every day that you matter. You are worthy of love and of being loved just because you are human. Being kind to yourself and learning to celebrate your accomplishments can be difficult but it is something that can be learned. You do not have to be perfect! As Valentines Day approaches, don't forget to love yourself!
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- Photo taken at Flushing County Park, Michigan